Hashbrowns for people who can't cook hashbrowns: Homefries.

The most dangerous hash-browns in the world.
Be careful who you serve them to.
Ten years ago I was living in a small studio apartment in Ventura California with my room-mate Shannon at the time, and both of us were having a craving for hash browns. My initial attempts to cook hash-brows led to potatoes which were burnt on the outside and raw on the inside. Some people just can't cook hash browns she said perhaps a bit drunk. Shannon had decided to embarrass me in front of a group of friends by making it known she was certain I'd never be able to make a decent plate of hash browns. She then stated, "If she ever manages to make me hash-browns, I'll turn lesbian and marry her."

To her surprise that was also just days before this girl accidentally and unknowingly stumbled upon a manner of cooking hash-browns named for their ease of cooking at home, thus I had discovered home-fries. Known also in parts of the world as house-fries or cottage fries, they're easier to cook because they're diced rather than shredded, and shallow deep-fried rather than grilled such as traditional hash-browns would be. 

Hash-browns, an aphrodisiac? 
I didn't stop there though. I figured if my recipe for home fries were dangerous enough to turn average roommates into a budding romance then they'd do so risking clogged arteries and cardiac arrest. So I topped my home fries with tomatoes, onions, cheese, bacon, sausage, and loads of cheddar cheese. Smothered, covered, and sinful as can be, I know it's wrong, but it just feels so right. If a single dish of potatoes can bring hearts together, can they really be all that bad?

4 washed and chunked potatoes
1 sliced onion
Shredded cheese (I prefer a sharp cheddar)
1 Cup: choose 1-3 meats: sausage, bacon, or ham.
Salt and Pepper for seasoning
Cooking oil for deep frying
Two fried eggs (seasoned with salt and pepper)
Ketchup (only if you prefer)
1 red ripe tomatoes for garnish (optional)
  1. Chop potatoes, onion, and meats.
  2. Place potatoes in bowl, and microwave for 5 minutes on high to par-cook. 
  3. Preheat oil on medium high until it starts to smoke lightly in cast iron pan.
  4. Add potatoes only to pan and fry for 15-20 minutes.
  5. When potatoes begin to turn golden (about 15 minutes later), add onions, and meat.
  6. Using a colander and metal or glass bowl, remove meat and potatoes and allow to dry.
  7. Plate and season.
  8. Top with shredded cheese.
  9. Microwave or warm plate in oven to melt cheese for 1 minute.
  10. Top with a fried egg or two.
  11. Swirl ketchup on top. 
  12. Garnish with chopped tomatoes.

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