Deep Fried Candy Bars: Snickers, Twix, Milky Way, 3-Musketeers

Nothing says "I want to die" like a deep fried Mars bar.

There is some irony in the fact my first book was a diet book, and I'm about to write about deep-friend candy bars. I suppose the best diet is a little bit of everything, and never too much of anything, but who the heck am I to say. Heck, I live in the U.S.A., where we feed our children square pizza in the cafeteria, and riot in the streets if someone tries to take our Big Gulp away. It's absolutely astonishing that the deep fried Mars bar was a Scottish invention when our American sense of entitlement demands everything is bigger and better in America.

Why try just one? My favorite was the Twix. However, this is also
my favorite, un-battered, and un-deep fried too.
I mean, we have a restaurant in Texas (Heart Attack Grill) that gives free burgers to people over 300 lbs and whose spokesperson has died three time (three separate men). The theme of the restaurant features scantly clad nurses, and they even use the words cardiac arrest in the menu. So why aren't deep-fried candy bars catching on in America like crazy?

Perhaps it's because they're so bad that Mars (the company) even wrote a letter to the pub that invented them (Carron Fish Bar), and advised its owner(s) that their marketing of the Mars bars was not in-line with their lower-saturated-fat initiative that Mars had recently implemented. In other words, the candy bar company said what the pub was doing to the candy bar was too unhealthy, and a public risk to their image. You can laugh now.
This is where we take the calorie deficient candy-bar and increase its
caloric value for the starving Americans who need it.

I've been a lot of places in this world, but yet, Scotland has eluded me. I've been itching for some deep-fried haggis, pizza, and Mars bars for some time. The other day I was watching Anthony Bourdain on television while killing some time, and guess where he was? Then I had a thought.... why not make them at home if I couldn't make it there?

So I took the dog for a walk, went to my local Quick-E-Mart and picked up some fry-friendly candy bars: Snickers, Twix, Milky Way, and Three Musketeers. I would have bought a Mars bar, but they didn't have any, and I know from previous travels, the U.S. version of Mars is a completely different recipe. I figured however, perhaps I'd find a better alternative among my choices.
It's a painful process to watch, but someone had to do it.

At home I whipped up a quick wet-batter, warmed some oil, and began frying. My favorite? The Twix, and the Snicker unsurprisingly. If you love melted chocolate this is going to be your downfall. Thankfully for me, I found them enjoyable, but none-the-less un-inspiring. That said, I can cross eating a deep fried Snickers off my bucket list.

Deep Fried Candy Bar Ingredients:

  • Refrigerated candy bars of your choice.
    This of course is with the the light on my camera,
    but you can see the results.
  • 2 handfuls of flour
  • 2 eggs
  • Milk 
  • Oil (for frying)
  1. In a bowl dump two handfuls of flour
  2. Mix in oil and milk while stirring till a nice dunkable slurry forms.
  3. Dunk you candy bar in the batter, and fry in your (now already pre-heated) oil.
  4. Fry for about 15-30 seconds, remove and cool for a few minutes.
  5. Cut to prevent scalding chocolate on your face, and enjoy.

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